I am very lucky at finding men that are not convenient for me you might say, right now I am confused as if I made the right decision with the last person I felt emotionally connected to, so for lack of friends and because sometimes strangers are more helpful, I am turning to ya’ll for some advice and guidance.
Here is the back story, I was seeing this guy, let’s call him D1, and I liked him so much, I thought we were perfect for each other, the only problem was that he was just getting out of a three years relationship, in which he was mistreated, when we first met and he was, and still is, bitter and could not trust me, that I liked, cared and had real feelings for him. So it got complicated and tiring really soon, me trying to break down his walls and him building them up stronger, so after a few months of trying and having no results I gave up. I understand that I can’t force anyone to like me, and that everyone takes whatever amount of time they need to heal their broken heart, I mean it took me six years to be able to even think about getting close to someone, he has been single for about five months now, so I don’t blame him for being protective of his heart.
I am not over D1 although I haven’t talk to him since I came back from NY, about three weeks ago, but I’ve been trying to move on and not think about him. I’ve been somewhat successful, I even started talking to other people, this guy I’m particular whom I really liked, let’s called him D2 (because his name also starts with a D). He reminds me of R, the first man I ever fell in love with. R was, at the time we met, a married man, and recently divorced when we were together. Anyways, D2 is recently divorced (can you guys see the pattern here, and why I call myself lucky?), so recent he still has all the photos with his ex-wife on Facebook, although they are no longer FB friends.
To make the long story short, if there’s a possible way to do that, we went on our first official date this past Saturday and I realized I liked him, more than I thought I would, to the point that D1 didn’t even cross my mind, I had lots of fun on our date. He is not the type of person to be constantly checking in or what not so I am okay with the fact that he doesn’t text or call often, but I am the type of person that likes that, just so I can feel that when you say you like me it’s true, I guess. Yesterday while I was at work he asked me to call him, I told him I would do it once I got off and that way we could be on the phone for as long as we wanted, he is old school he rather talk than text (that’s another big adjustment because I hate talking on the phone), so once I get off I called him and he didn’t answer, he texted me right back that he was watching a movie with his kids and once it was over he would call me. I waited until eleven pm for the call, which is a long time since I’m old and usually in bed by 9:30, no call or text so I went to bed. I was upset, because why say you are going to do something and then don’t do it? I was so excited for the call that never came; I was sixteen years old again, it is kind of sad.
This morning at six am when I woke up, the first thing I did was write to him that we should stop talking and explained my reason as of why, more of less (I didn’t went in to detail about D1 and R and blah blah blah). The entire morning I was uneasy waiting for him to see the message (yes I was checking for that read notification to pop up like a kid watches the oven while baking cookies), to see what the was going to say back. He finally saw the message at 11:01 am, exactly. I got supper nervous, because he was going to write back and probably make me change my mind, wish I secretly wanted, but he never said anything at. Now I am even more upset that what I was last night, even when I know it was me who said we should no longer talk.
I don’t know why I feel sad, I mean I barely know the guy. I can’t stop wondering if I made a mistake and if this time could have been different. I don’t longer know how I feel about the whole situation.
Any comments anyone one???